Posts From Michael Campbell
Back to homepage
Michael Campbell
The Dumpster: Trending Markets
Here in the heartland of agriculture we’ve cultured something that grows great on four acres of parking lot: the farmers market. A farmers market isn’t much of a market and there aren’t any farmers. Mostly it’s rows of big white
Read More
The Dumpster: The Year of Eating Dangerously
Before we buttered our first roll, before the glasses were filled, before we had a chance to say grace, my mother set down the platter of turkey and announced: “Everybody—save the neck for Dad.” There was a pause as our
Read More
The Dumpster: Party Time
“OOOOH, mints mints mints-mints-mints!” squealed the 40-ish lady in the frilly lavender dress. “I just love these wedding mints! I can’t stop eating them!” That was the truth. She devoured all the sugary green mints which had been carefully placed
Read More
The Dumpster: You Are What You Eat
Some say you are what you eat. That’s fine, I get it: if you eat carrots, you feel good. If you eat a cheeseburger and waffle fries, you feel better. If you eat gluten-free paleo tofu, you feel like a
Read More
The Dumpster: Into Thin Air
Me at the Buffalo County Fair, 1972: “Please can I have some cotton candy?” “No.” “Pleeeeeze? Pleeeaaaauuuuzzzhhh?” As if adding syllables would help. “No.” “I’ll never ask for any…” “Fine—just to shut you up. Here’s fifty cents. Get outta here.”
Read More
The Dumpster: Coming Uncorked
Wine experts admit that screw-top bottles are easier and faster to open. They lament that the low-rent caps protect wine better than cork does. They don’t mind that the cheapest wines use screw caps, but they hate it when the
Read More
The Dumpster: We’re Doomed, What’s for Dinner
Global Warming. Underwear Bombers. Gluten. Life feels precarious. I’ve gone beyond worrying about where my next meal is coming from to worrying whether I’ll make it to happy hour. To console myself, I make every meal a Last Supper. Not
Read More
The Dumpster: Something Fishy Going On
My favorite place to go for seafood was a box of Mrs. Paul’s. Fish sticks were my favorite. Throughout my life I thought I loved seafood. It turns out what I love is tartar sauce and wine vinegar. Tartar sauce
Read More
The Dumpster: Blow Me Away
The first time I witnessed a real breakthrough in the culinary arts was when a fistful of Pop Rocks exploded in my mouth. Not as in, “exploding with flavor!”; as in, blew up. Taste the Explosion!” the packaging exclaimed. I
Read More
The Dumpster: Condimentary
I was 27 years old when I learned that ketchup doesn’t come with a refrigerator. Every fridge I had ever met had ketchup, mustard and pickles. I never met anyone who bought ketchup. My formative years had been spent living
Read More