Issue 30

Observing and Documenting a Wild Superstar

“Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.” – Bill Shakespeare

Congratulations! You have happened upon an article that will change your life. If you are anything like me, and I know you are, you are probably just bumbling through your day, trying to stay awake until your pre-bedtime nap. This is certainly what I was doing when I had greatness thrust upon me. My life has never been the same since. Certainly you are wracked with anticipation by now, so I’ll spill the beans… Hollywood Superstar, Shia LaBeouf came to my restaurant. This is a story that I hope will prepare you for an event like this if it ever does happen in your life.

I woke up on a Sunday morning, and headed up to B & G Tasty Foods to open for the day. I got my stuff done and greeted each employee as they arrived. Everything went smoothly and as soon as things died down, I headed home. I’m the owner and when I see an opportunity to go home and take a nap, I take it. The minute my butt hit the couch, my phone beeped. I thought, surely something is wrong. The ice cream machine is probably acting up again. I’ll have to head back into work. Instead of seeing a message about a problem, I see the following message (in some SnapChat format I’m not entirely familiar with):

My first reaction is, whoa, that dude actually does look like Shia LaBeouf. Megan sent me the message and she has a pretty good sense of humor, so I write her back saying something along the lines of, “hey funny, haha. That guy does look like him.” Megan promptly responds, “No dummy, it is actually him.” Now I’m thinking, Megan sure has a good head on her shoulders but, this can’t be possible. So I head on over to Google and search for something real inclusive, like “Shia Omaha”. I am greeted with this picture and a brief story about how Shia LaBeouf was in Kansas City and headed to Omaha.

Well, now I’m sure it actually is Shia. I mean look, he’s practically wearing the exact same thing! Before this I didn’t think of myself as much of a celebrity worshipper, but that was all about to change. I forwarded the message to a few of my buddies and before I knew it, I was getting calls left and right about Shia. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel some sense of importance or at least that I was now part of something bigger than myself.

Over the next couple of days, the Shia sighting was all anyone wanted to talk to me about. I learned through extensive research (reading the aforementioned internet story), that Shia is filming a movie called American Honey (or something like that) and he is bouncing around the Midwest to shoot on location. Everybody wanted to know what was going on and what Shia ate. I became a really popular person around B & G. I wasn’t even there to see him.

Speaking of being there, I did have one 17-year old girl named Caitlan working at the time. By this point, she has about lost her mind she’s so gaga over the fact that she took Shia’s order. The only words I can get out of her are, “I had a Shia sticker on my backpack in middle school”. Until she gets herself together, she’s of no use to me. Megan is a little more composed and tells me that Shia ordered a side salad with balsamic vinaigrette in a bigger than normal bowl with two chicken breasts on top of it.

Now, it looks like Shia’s role in this American Honey movie is of some dumpy drifter, and seeing how he came into B & G’s in his costume, I have to assume he is doing some kind of method acting or is at least somewhat trying to stay in character. I wouldn’t say his food order accomplished that. I guess you can take Shia out of Hollywood, but you can’t take the Hollywood out of Shia. He also asked for a coffee to take with him when he left. Caitlin was still apparently dumbstruck, so she asked him if he wanted a straw to drink his coffee with. Shia politely declined.

Over the next few days, Shia LaBeouf came into B & G’s two more times. I have two super sneaky pictures of the second visit, but sadly no sneaky pictures of the third. You’ll just have to take my word for it. Here are the two pictures: one is from Caitlan herself (WHOA! She was there again, lucky her!), and one picture is from an attentive customer who shared it with me later:

After the first visit, I thought it was cool that he popped in. I thought that was going to be it. Having Shia come in two more times really was a treat. It got me thinking: Why was Shia coming here so often? There are plenty of places around here to eat. What are we doing that keeps bringing him back?

Through these three visits, I felt myself growing very close to Shia. We were becoming like old friends. Of course, I never talked to him, but you can tell when a strong bond is growing between two like-minded people. Shia understood me, and I understood Shia. He wanted to be left alone, so we didn’t bother him. We let him eat in peace. When he would leave, he would slowly look over his shoulder and give me a little wink as if to say, “Hey, we both know I was just in here and it was great for you. Thanks for keeping it low-key.” He didn’t actually look at me or wink, but you could tell that was what he was thinking.

As I mentioned earlier, my life hasn’t been quite the same since. Everything I do feels like I have to try just a bit harder now. I have interacted with Shia and now have a great responsibility to honor his presence. Should I get little plaques to commemorate his visit? Certainly customers would like to know they are sitting in the very same seat Hollywood Superstar Shia LaBeouf sat in. How often should I recount the details of his visit to retain an accurate memory? I would hate for my mind to dull this experience over time and thus deaden the story for my children or grandchildren. I didn’t ask for this, but I will do my best to accurately convey my time with Shia.

Eddie Morin

Eddie Morin

I’m Eddie Morin. I’m from Omaha. I run B & G Tasty Foods, and I like eating food, playing video games and dinking around with my wife and kids. I used to not be so fat. That’s all I really think there is to me.

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