Issue 30

Sodas in Which You May Not Be Entirely Aware of: Triple Cola

Sodas in Which You May Not Be Entirely Aware of: Triple Cola

This one really pisses me off. We are looking at Triple Cola this week. Oh, on the surface, it seems like a fine beverage out of Mukilteo, Washington. It proudly proclaims, “Drink it for Vim & Vigor.” Sure, buddy, like I’m running low on vim. The fine print on the side of the bottle has these recommendations:

  1. Use Triple Cola to revive any time of the day
  2. Enjoy ice cold

Let’s look at recommendation number two first. Enjoy ice cold. Oh yeah, really. You mean this isn’t the only cola ever in the whole world that I shouldn’t warm up? Ok, great. I’m glad the makers are already assuming I’m a moron and don’t know how to serve soda. The first recommendation gives me free reign to drink the beverage that I have purchased with my own money any time I feel like it. How generous of them. I’ll tell you what, Mr. Cola Brewer – I don’t need your permission to drink this cola whenever I like. I don’t take any orders from my beverages and I’m not about to start now.

That’s pretty much all there is to the bottle. The rest of it is quite ordinary. Now that I am thoroughly cranked up, let’s crack it open and have a sip. Tastes like cola. Maybe a little sweeter than your average cola, but really nothing remarkable. I can taste the cane sugar and that is almost always welcome. I would have no problem drinking this with my meal (or ANY TIME I WANT). While it is tasty, I question the implied claim that it has exactly triple the amount of cola in it than your standard Coke, Pepsi, or RC (the singlecolas).

There certainly isn’t triple the amount of soda, so the maker must mean that it has triple the amount of cola flavor in it. If this is indeed the case, I’m just not tasting it. I do believe this may in fact be just a marketing trick! We have already touched on the standard single colas, but I happen to know there was a soda called “Double Cola” a while back. This was the same deal – just a marketing trick. Coke, Pepsi, and definitely RC are not holding out on you. They are already cramming every ounce of flavor into each bottle that they can. You mean to tell me, some rinky-dink backwoods operation like Double Cola has solved the mystery on how to slam more cola flavor into each bottle? No way. But I do give some credit to Double Cola for being witty. Trying to find an edge. But Triple Cola? Come on. Not only did they steal the idea to sell yet another cola flavored soda, but they stole Double Cola’s marketing gimmick.

Well you know what? I’m just counting the days until someone else brings forth the Quadruple Cola. You wanna play that game? Sure, you’re on top now, but this is a crumbling tower, my friend. I hope for your sake, Mr. Triple Cola, you get your money and get out quick. But you don’t deserve it. You deserve to die penniless and impotent. Get this crap out of my face.

Eddie Morin

Eddie Morin

I’m Eddie Morin. I’m from Omaha. I run B & G Tasty Foods, and I like eating food, playing video games and dinking around with my wife and kids. I used to not be so fat. That’s all I really think there is to me.

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